The Secrets To Finding Mr./Mrs. Right

Facebook is constantly speckled with relationship woes and victories. Anytime I scroll through my news feed I see either a man hatin' post or a mushy status that boasts of the blessings of companionship. How do some relationships go soooo right, and some go SOOOO wrong? Destiny? Chance? God's hand? What is the secret!? I can't give all the answers, I dont know everything there is to know about dating and relating...but I do have personal experiences that have helped me get to where I am now! I was blessed with positive relationship experiences, and even though my previous ones were not it for me, I wouldn't trade the lessons they have taught me for the world! It was because of my past experiences that I appreciate my boyfriend, Jacob, so much! So, here are my secrets to finding yourself a keeper.

1) If there is any doubt, chicken out!

My first two relationships were spent in a state of anxiety. Did these young men treat me wrong? No, they were great guys! But undeniably, my heart was in a constant state of tight hesitance. I didn't allow myself to break off the relationships at the start of my anxiety because I felt that it was my fault. I thought that I was just being a wimp who was scared to give her heart away. I soon realized that these feelings of anxiety and lack of peace were God's way of saying NOPE, NOT THE ONE. If you don't feel 100% peace, there's a strong chance it's something you need to pay attention to! The right relationship will demonstrate the opposite of what I described above. :)

2) PRAY

I have learned time after time that God does NOT mess around with relationships. I have been in constant prayer in my endeavors, and every time I have asked for guidance... I've received it (We're talking same day, in your face guidance!). Marriage is the most sacred commitment of them all, and God desires your desire for Him in your relationship...so he will jump on any opportunity to guide your steps when you seek Him!!

3) Don't allow yourself to settle

Superrrr cliche, I know, but hear me out!! If you allow God to work his miracles in HIS timing, you will not have to sacrifice anything you want in a man. And I mean ANYTHING (That lines up with what God wants for you as well). The temptation is always there to grab onto someone who is compatible with you and gives you a sense of security...someone that you could live with and not feel like you'd kill before your first anniversary....but be strong and WAIT. There is someone out there that God want to rock your world with. I heard this saying and have stuck to it, "If seeing him doesn't give you the same feeling as when you see your waitress coming with your food, he's not worth it."

4) NOOOO Sex!

I have made the commitment to my future husband and to God to stay pure until marriage. I know I am an alien to most for saying that but it is the biggest blessing in the world when it comes to sanely figuring out how right or wrong a relationship is. When you have sex with someone, there are hormones and chemicals released that create a false bond between two people. Ever wonder why terribly matched, unhealthy couples still seem to have an unexplained attachment to each other? You got it....sex. It clouds the mind and creates a seemingly strong foundation that makes it impossible to judge the situation accurately! Nothing good ever EVER comes out of sex outside of a fully committed marriage...we're talking legal, on paper, marriage!

5) You can't take back the "L" word

This one is self explanatory... Love is a sacred word, believe it or not. Don't throw it around or use it to the point that it no longer carries any value once it reaches the person you end up marrying.

6) It's not complicated

The right relationship won't be a complex puzzle! Things will make sense...your mind will be at ease. This isn't to say you guys aren't human will never argue or go through rough patches....but there will be peace. If you're in a constant state of "break up, get back together".....yeah....rethink it, it's probably isn't right.

7) Be equally yoked

SOOO IMPORTANT. Make sure that both of you are at the same level and have the same convictions/beliefs faith wise!...because if not, you're in for a disastrous ride. You want to do more for the Lord BECAUSE you're together, not pull the other down. There are no if's or But's about this one....it's a MUST!!! \

8) Date The Family

Remember that a relationship is a package deal. You get the family too! Make an effort to get to know the loved ones of your love. You're working towards joining a family, not just getting a ring on your finger. <3

Five Facebook Reminders

Over the years Facebook has blossomed into a powerful entity that contains the intimate details of millions of peoples lives! It is an AMAZING tool with infinite possibilities for business growth and personal connection! Now, I love Facebook as much as the next person...but there are definitely some things that we need to make ourselves aware of in order to keep our sanity! SO....without further ado, here are five reminders for FB users (and myself, because I am soo guilty of these sometimes). <3

1. You can't compare your B-roll to someone else's highlight reel

This quote has stuck with me, I absolutely love it!! Such a good reminder for life in general, but especially for social media these days!! Let's be honest, not many of us want to post about the pimple that sprouted last night...we want to put our best foot forward! Now, there's nothing wrong with this at all....but when we begin to measure our worth and validate ourselves by comparing our reality to everyone else's selective postings, that's when our perspectives become unhealthy and harmful. For example:

                             Fresh out of bed...            Anddd....one of my profile pics

2. Your profile is not a journal

So many people have an "I can post whatever I want because it's MY Facebook!" attitude. While this statement is true, you CAN post whatever you want...I mean, nobody is stopping you....we too often forget that Facebook is the platform from which many people judge our character (since I doubt we all see all our friends in person too often). Now I know what some will say, "Well! They don't know me!! I am who I am, if you don't like my Facebook then get off it!! I don't care what you think!".....while this, again, may be true....it is not a smart or mature stance to take. Employers look at your social media (FACT), so that colorful post from last year CAN come back to haunt you. If you want to swear like a sailor and post distasteful material, more power to you! BUT, be aware that your social media activity is relevant when it comes to how others view you and respect you. Whether you care or not is up to you!

3. "Likes" and comments don't give you value

We gotta post that pretty selfie that makes us look like a Tumblr Barbie because ohhhh boy!! LIKES!!! I love getting that little red bubble at the top of my FB....not gonna lie, but it is sooo easy to equate notifications with value. It sounds so silly, but we have all felt it to some extent at one point or another!! Am I right? ;) Well, from one human being to another...let me just tell you, your beauty and worth is not measured by clicks. Promise. <3

4. It's okay to keep things to yourself <3

Nowadays everything is everyone's business. A relationship is not official until it is "FB official"....WHAT? What have we done to our poor brains? If it isn't online in black letters atop a sea of comments, it must not be real. We have developed this need to validate our experiences by making them into a post. I'm guilty of this as well. Imagine doing something cool and NOT posting about it! Why do it, right? We may not even realize it, but too often....we think this way. Allow yourself to keep information private when desired, share special things with only a handful of loved ones, or wait a while before rushing to change your relationship status. Your friends don't HAVE to know....nor do they always care about your vacation pics, relationships, and adventures....I know, this is heavy stuff! Put down your phone and enjoy the world around you every now and then! :) Privacy is a gift.

5. Building an awesome online presence only takes you so far

The amount of friends you can muster up, and the number of likes and comments you can rake in DON'T help you....out there in the magical land of reality. Don't waste too much time building a rad social media you, and neglect the real you. Facebook doesn't matter in the scheme of life and purpose, friends. It's a wonderful tool and definitely can be used for great things......but the physical world is where your mind and efforts need to be anchored in. Nurture real friendships, talk using your vocal chords, make time to experience the presence of those you love. That's what matters, after all. <3