What ABC's "The Bachelor/Bachelorette" Has Taught Me About Relationships

To those outside of Bachelor/Bachelorette Nation, the show is a disgrace. I mean, one person dating 25 others on national television doesn't sit well with some and it definitely can't result in anything real, right? Now, I'm not here to say that "The Bachelor Method" is a dating style you should try at home, but there is no denying that it has done the trick for a few of its participants.

I've grown up with the Bachelor/Bachelorette....seriously, it has been a staple in our household for years. The sound of Chris Harrison clinking a butter knife against a wine glass to summon a rose ceremony has echoed out of my TV for longer than I can remember. This is my equivalent to watching football, just to put things into perspective for some of you out there. To those who have not grown up with the series, the title of this post probably seems a little iffy. To the "outside world" the show appears to be a trashy, scripted reality show that preys on the desperate and attention hungry side of society. To many people's surprise, the show is actually quite real and civil. Yes, there is always that "one person" on the show that you know is there for entertainment value, but despite the silliness of the dating situation, real relationships/lasting marriages have blossomed! I've seen the audition process and even helped film an audition tape for a friend, and believe me....the casting team doesn't play around. The process is extensive and carefully done with end results in mind.

So with all that being said, I want to share what all of these years have taught me:

1) "Good person" doesn't always mean "good for you"

Anyone who has ever seen the show has witnessed the breakups. The bachelorette/bachelor goes in with 25 men/women so naturally there are going to be 24 goodbyes. This condensed version of finding love allows the viewer to experience the complexity of it all. I have learned so much about what it means to truly mesh with a person through watching the experiences of those on this show. At home we could be rooting for a certain person to win the heart of the bachelor/bachelorette...but to our dismay they let them go! This person could have been the sweetest, more caring, more loyal person....but still they say goodbye. This confused me for years until I was in relationships of my own. There are beautiful people out there that have more wonderful qualities than you could count...but if there isn't a true emotional, spiritual, and physical connection between the two of you....the relationship could be a disservice to you both. I've dated wonderful people, but disconnects in major areas made continuing a healthy relationship impossible.

2) One sided relationships are a disservice to you both

Again and again on the show you see one person totally in love, and the other not feeling the whole situation so much. I used to think that if someone told me that they loved me that it must be my fault for not loving them back....that I was doing something wrong. How could they adore me so much while I felt nothing?! That's not how it is supposed to be, right?! Well I learned the valuable lesson that feelings and attachment can be one sided and that it's your job to speak up. If I would have stayed in my past relationships it would have been a disservice to them. They deserved someone who was crazy about them. The pain of a one sided relationship will be more intense than the short term pain of a break up.

 Bachelorette, Desiree, Season 09

3)  Break-ups don't have to be blow-outs

A break up doesn't have to be a spiteful event full of raging tears and anguish, it can simply occur due to a difference in personal direction, a disconnect in values/morals, immense change in who you are as a person from when you first started the relationship, etc.

4) Closing one door allows for another to open

If the you were to hold onto one okay person just for the sake of comfort and not having to look anymore, you could be robbing yourself of the opportunity to meet the person of your dreams! Goodbyes lead to new hellos. It takes courage though, I know.

Sean and Catherine, Season 17

5) It is important to be very aware of how they treat others

This is the classic show scenario: The Bachelor/Bachelorette will begin to fall for a certain person, but uknown to them, that person is the nastiest of the group! At home we yell at our TV's. How can they not see how horrible this person is?! Are they blind?! Well, it is important to realize that the face we put on while trying to woo someone is not exactly our raw face. You cannot judge the person you are newly dating based on their behavior while you are together...because your conclusions will not be 100%....or even 10% accurate in some cases. To really know a person, it is important to watch their dynamics with those that they aren't trying to win over. That's how they will eventually treat you.

6) You get the family and home life too!

Hometown dates are the ones that have been make or break on the show. A seemingly wonderful relationship can end very quickly if the family disapproves or a disgruntled family member decides to cause problems. In the long run, you are joining a family....dates and romance will not be your focus anymore. It is just as important to "date" the family as it is to date your special someone because it's a package deal! After that ring is on your finger, your time together doesn't end after you pay your restaurant bill....you are not a part of their daily life!

Various hometown dates/family meetings from various seasons

The show may not hold claim to the most effective, practical way of finding love....but there is no denying that one can learn from the Bachelor family's crazy journeys! Here's to season 19!!...after all, it's promised to be one of the most "shocking seasons yet" haha! 

7 Money Saving Hacks

Okay, so I am extremely thrifty....if there is a way to get something cheaper, I'm going to find it! In this post I will let you in on the sacred secrets to getting what you want...for less!! Woohoo!

FIRST I need to get ya in the right mindset with one key principle:

Saving money means sacrificing immediacy. Most stores and sellers thrive off of your willingness to splurge and pay the extra required to take the product you want home same day. You pay for convenience. Period.

Here are my tips for thrifty livin'!



1) Off-brand and name brand items (especially food) have very little differences....except for their price tags.

I know someone who worked for Aunt Millie's Bread Company. He said that the only difference between the name brand bread and the off brand bread was the bags they packaged the loaves in. Sara Lee and Spartan brand bread came out of the same batch. Don't be deceived by the flashier wrappings and higher prices....

2) The internet!!!!

Odds are, it's always gonna be cheaper on the magical internet! I tried on a coat at Tj Maxx the other night (already reasonably priced anyway).....then I went home and bought the same exact coat for $10 cheaper online. Why not!? :D

3) Perfume wearers....I'm about to rock your world!

Okay, so perfume is ridiculously priced! I wore Victoria's Secret body spray for years due to the fact that I didn't want to pay $50+ for a couple ounces of smelly liquid. So, I did some research and hit the jackpot!!! TESTERS. You can buy the same exact perfume you love for a fraction of the price....and I mean brand new, brand name, perfume! The only difference is the packaging. Sometimes testers will come without a pretty cap and be put in a plain box instead of the fancy store-shelf boxes. I have done this with high quality results! Let me give you an example comparing the perfume I use at Ulta, and then at Overstock.com. (make sure to read the reviews and observe the ratings beforehand though, there are some scammy people out there, like with anything....but Overstock does a good job in general)

Ulta's Listing

Overstock's Listing

4) The problem with consignment...

Consignment shops are high priced thrift stores. You pay extra for the neat displays and quality used items all in one accessible place when you go to consignment stores. Now they are great, don't get me wrong....but I, as a student, don't have $40 to put towards a pair of USED jeans! The employees at consignment stores are also educated on the value of certain brands and will price them accordingly. If you have extra time to sift through racks.....head over to Goodwill or Salvation army. You can find designer clothing lumped in with the cheapo brands for the same exact price! Why? They don't sort by value, they sort by type of item...shirts are shirts, pants are pants, and with such high volumes of merchandise coming in, they don't have time to research the value of each item. If you put in the work and take time to search.....you'll get some great stuff!!! For instance, at this moment I am wearing a big cozy, like-new Eddie Bauer scarf that retailed for $50... that I paid $3 dollars for at Goodwill. It's my fav scarf! Here is the link to the exact product if you don't believe me. <3

Eddie Bauer Scarf Listing

My $3.00 Scarf in the color (Smoke)

5) Shampoo cost cutting trick that is actually healthier for you hair!

Ready?.....baking soda!!! Baking soda is like what...$0.75 for a box? So cheap! Bu it also is great for your hair! There are whole articles dedicated to the "no-poo" challenge where people give up traditional shampoo and switch to this method. Many store bought shampoos actually dry your scalp which causes it to create more oils to compensate....which results in, you guessed it, the need to use more of that highly advertised shampoo you just used bought for $10. Baking soda cleans thoroughly while not stripping or drying...or adding extra oils. All you need is a spoonful, and then enough water added in order to create a paste, and you are ready to go! It doesn't lather, so that freaks people out.....but lathering (getting all soapy and foamy) is not necessary to get clean....in fact, shampoos that don't lather as well are actually better for you!! <3 I'll link one article below. :)

No-Poo Method

6) Jewelry (the non-precious kind)

Costume and statement jewelry is stupidly priced. I mean, $20 for a pair of plastic stones hanging from some mystery-metal earring posts? NO THANK YOU. I always hit up ForeverXXI for my jewelry needs. They are superrrrrr inexpensive and bring the same quality to the table as say...kohls does for their "faux" jewelry. I don't mind spending $4 for mystery metal in that case. ;)

7) Text Books....

Your college bookstore is about the priciest place you could ever buy text books. And if you're like me, you don't really have any emotional attachment to your books....nor do you have a desire to keep them around after the class has ended. RENT THEM. There are many wonderful websites that are dedicated to getting you used books to buy, or rent. I have saved hundreds this way...the best thing is that they pay the return shipping and everything for rentals!! I use Chegg.com for the most part, link is below. 

Click Here!

Well....I hope these little tips have been helpful! Saving money is all about thinking outside of the box! Good luck! <3

Modesty Hacks: Tips for a dignified wardrobe without throwing anything away

Sooo modesty is the Christian/female topic that has gone through the wringer over and over and over! I get it! We live in a culture where sex sells and skin is in. No doubt! If you've ever tried to shop for summer clothing (or any clothing for that matter) with any sense of self respect, you know the struggle! The hems are high, the necklines are low, and fabric grows thinner and thinner with each passing year. Sometimes it feels like it would just be easier to give in, buy the questionable item, and get on with your life....but trust me, modesty is worth it...you're worth it. I could go into a whole sermon about how the male mind works...why showing skin is degrading to yourself, and so on, but that's for a later date. Today I want to share some painless tips that have helped me navigate through the modern clothing market while also holding to my values and staying in style!

First things first...You don't have to resort to denim skirts and turtle necks!!!

Get ready....I'm about to blow your mind!! You can keep your existing clothes!!! BUT....we are going to explore some new ways to rock them that don't sacrifice your dignity!

I thought it may be helpful to hear my personal modesty standards (just so you have some context for the following tips). SO HERE WE GO! Here are my rules for myself! <3

1) No cleavage (if you see shadows coming off of "the girls"...it's too low.)
2) The stomach stays covered
3) Straps or sleeves are a must, tube tops and strapless dresses/tops are a no-go
4) Cover the Buttttt (I try to keep my behind covered even when I'm wearing jeans)
5) Skirts above the knee are worn with something else...(Pants, leggings, opaque tights)
6) Swimsuits cover the stomach, and all the other goods as well, haha. Shorts or a skirt are a must.
7) Every outline of every part of your body shouldn't be displayed (no skin tight stuff!)
8) Booty shorts are never acceptable....like....no. In general I avoid showing too much thigh. :/ 
9) Leggings are NOT pants...ever.

Here are my practical tips to get ya started!

1) Camis and tanks for low cut shirts and crop tops! 

Low shirts, and even dresses, can be instantly made acceptable with a Cami! Also, if there's a super cute crop top in the store that you know you couldn't wear otherwise....you don't always have to pass it up!! Just throw a matching cami underneath and you got yourself some sweet layering action going on!!

2) Bodycon dresses, mini skirts, and short dresses are not lost causes!

Throw a pair of jeans on underneath, a cardigan over top and you got yourself an awesome tunic outfit! I buy mini-dresses all the time as shirts! As long as they aren't too tight, they actually can end up being more modest that regular shirts. Who would have thought!?

3) Leggings can be your best friend!

They are not pants people....so wearing them alone is not cool. BUT, cover from mid-thigh up and you're good to go! Big sweaters and dresses are super cute with leggings and boots....I'm obsessed.

4) Buy a size up!

Loose, flowy, and cozy are in! There is no harm done in going up a size or two! I sometimes go up three sizes even! It's modest, but I also just like the baggy look at times. Keep your pants fitted, and your top can be as loose as desired, while still keeping you looking thin! :)

5) Lower the heel height

Dresses appear much shorter with a higher heel....taking the platforms off can really lengthen a garment.

6) The internet is a wonderful resource

Swimsuit shopping is virtually impossible for young women with values...haha. I have found that the magical world wide web offers a wonderful wealth of modest swimsuit options that don't add 50 years to your appearance! I recently bought a swimsuit from Sammydress.com for $16! It had boy shorts, a skirt, an appropriate neckline and everything!! SCORE! Check them out! You have to dig a bit, but there are cute modest suits here and there!! :) Shipping takes years though...only downside haha!

http://www.sammydress.com/Wholesale-Swimwear-c-301.html

7) Maxiiiiis! 

Maxi skirts are adorable. period......especially with a longsleeve shirt and scarf...YESSS. So cute, and modest. <3

8) Hijabi fashionistas....get inspired by them!

I am a christian woman, but I follow many muslim fashion blogs... why? They know what's up fashion wise!!! The girls know how to rock modest fashion in super modern and creative ways!!! Don't believe me? Go to Pinterest and type in Hijabi fashion and get your creative juices flowing!

9) Scarves

Scarves can do a great deal of covering the chest area! plus they are cute and cozy!! <3

10) THRIFT THRIFT THRIFT!!

Goodwill and Salvation army will soon become your sanctuary for discovery! Vintage pieces and retro items make for great outfits! 

Modest online shopping options/links:

Shabby Apple

Jolly Chic

Modcloth

The Mint

Hopefully these tips can help you start seeing the pieces of clothing around you in a different way!! Everyone seems to think going modest means throwing out all the cute clothes you own and stocking up on old lady clothes.....it's far from it!!! You simply have to see your existing clothes in new ways. Gooood luck!!! <3

All photos are taken from Pinterest, I do not take credit.

The Secrets To Finding Mr./Mrs. Right

Facebook is constantly speckled with relationship woes and victories. Anytime I scroll through my news feed I see either a man hatin' post or a mushy status that boasts of the blessings of companionship. How do some relationships go soooo right, and some go SOOOO wrong? Destiny? Chance? God's hand? What is the secret!? I can't give all the answers, I dont know everything there is to know about dating and relating...but I do have personal experiences that have helped me get to where I am now! I was blessed with positive relationship experiences, and even though my previous ones were not it for me, I wouldn't trade the lessons they have taught me for the world! It was because of my past experiences that I appreciate my boyfriend, Jacob, so much! So, here are my secrets to finding yourself a keeper.

1) If there is any doubt, chicken out!

My first two relationships were spent in a state of anxiety. Did these young men treat me wrong? No, they were great guys! But undeniably, my heart was in a constant state of tight hesitance. I didn't allow myself to break off the relationships at the start of my anxiety because I felt that it was my fault. I thought that I was just being a wimp who was scared to give her heart away. I soon realized that these feelings of anxiety and lack of peace were God's way of saying NOPE, NOT THE ONE. If you don't feel 100% peace, there's a strong chance it's something you need to pay attention to! The right relationship will demonstrate the opposite of what I described above. :)

2) PRAY

I have learned time after time that God does NOT mess around with relationships. I have been in constant prayer in my endeavors, and every time I have asked for guidance... I've received it (We're talking same day, in your face guidance!). Marriage is the most sacred commitment of them all, and God desires your desire for Him in your relationship...so he will jump on any opportunity to guide your steps when you seek Him!!

3) Don't allow yourself to settle

Superrrr cliche, I know, but hear me out!! If you allow God to work his miracles in HIS timing, you will not have to sacrifice anything you want in a man. And I mean ANYTHING (That lines up with what God wants for you as well). The temptation is always there to grab onto someone who is compatible with you and gives you a sense of security...someone that you could live with and not feel like you'd kill before your first anniversary....but be strong and WAIT. There is someone out there that God want to rock your world with. I heard this saying and have stuck to it, "If seeing him doesn't give you the same feeling as when you see your waitress coming with your food, he's not worth it."

4) NOOOO Sex!

I have made the commitment to my future husband and to God to stay pure until marriage. I know I am an alien to most for saying that but it is the biggest blessing in the world when it comes to sanely figuring out how right or wrong a relationship is. When you have sex with someone, there are hormones and chemicals released that create a false bond between two people. Ever wonder why terribly matched, unhealthy couples still seem to have an unexplained attachment to each other? You got it....sex. It clouds the mind and creates a seemingly strong foundation that makes it impossible to judge the situation accurately! Nothing good ever EVER comes out of sex outside of a fully committed marriage...we're talking legal, on paper, marriage!

5) You can't take back the "L" word

This one is self explanatory... Love is a sacred word, believe it or not. Don't throw it around or use it to the point that it no longer carries any value once it reaches the person you end up marrying.

6) It's not complicated

The right relationship won't be a complex puzzle! Things will make sense...your mind will be at ease. This isn't to say you guys aren't human will never argue or go through rough patches....but there will be peace. If you're in a constant state of "break up, get back together".....yeah....rethink it, it's probably isn't right.

7) Be equally yoked

SOOO IMPORTANT. Make sure that both of you are at the same level and have the same convictions/beliefs faith wise!...because if not, you're in for a disastrous ride. You want to do more for the Lord BECAUSE you're together, not pull the other down. There are no if's or But's about this one....it's a MUST!!! \

8) Date The Family

Remember that a relationship is a package deal. You get the family too! Make an effort to get to know the loved ones of your love. You're working towards joining a family, not just getting a ring on your finger. <3

Five Facebook Reminders

Over the years Facebook has blossomed into a powerful entity that contains the intimate details of millions of peoples lives! It is an AMAZING tool with infinite possibilities for business growth and personal connection! Now, I love Facebook as much as the next person...but there are definitely some things that we need to make ourselves aware of in order to keep our sanity! SO....without further ado, here are five reminders for FB users (and myself, because I am soo guilty of these sometimes). <3

1. You can't compare your B-roll to someone else's highlight reel

This quote has stuck with me, I absolutely love it!! Such a good reminder for life in general, but especially for social media these days!! Let's be honest, not many of us want to post about the pimple that sprouted last night...we want to put our best foot forward! Now, there's nothing wrong with this at all....but when we begin to measure our worth and validate ourselves by comparing our reality to everyone else's selective postings, that's when our perspectives become unhealthy and harmful. For example:

                             Fresh out of bed...            Anddd....one of my profile pics

2. Your profile is not a journal

So many people have an "I can post whatever I want because it's MY Facebook!" attitude. While this statement is true, you CAN post whatever you want...I mean, nobody is stopping you....we too often forget that Facebook is the platform from which many people judge our character (since I doubt we all see all our friends in person too often). Now I know what some will say, "Well! They don't know me!! I am who I am, if you don't like my Facebook then get off it!! I don't care what you think!".....while this, again, may be true....it is not a smart or mature stance to take. Employers look at your social media (FACT), so that colorful post from last year CAN come back to haunt you. If you want to swear like a sailor and post distasteful material, more power to you! BUT, be aware that your social media activity is relevant when it comes to how others view you and respect you. Whether you care or not is up to you!

3. "Likes" and comments don't give you value

We gotta post that pretty selfie that makes us look like a Tumblr Barbie because ohhhh boy!! LIKES!!! I love getting that little red bubble at the top of my FB....not gonna lie, but it is sooo easy to equate notifications with value. It sounds so silly, but we have all felt it to some extent at one point or another!! Am I right? ;) Well, from one human being to another...let me just tell you, your beauty and worth is not measured by clicks. Promise. <3

4. It's okay to keep things to yourself <3

Nowadays everything is everyone's business. A relationship is not official until it is "FB official"....WHAT? What have we done to our poor brains? If it isn't online in black letters atop a sea of comments, it must not be real. We have developed this need to validate our experiences by making them into a post. I'm guilty of this as well. Imagine doing something cool and NOT posting about it! Why do it, right? We may not even realize it, but too often....we think this way. Allow yourself to keep information private when desired, share special things with only a handful of loved ones, or wait a while before rushing to change your relationship status. Your friends don't HAVE to know....nor do they always care about your vacation pics, relationships, and adventures....I know, this is heavy stuff! Put down your phone and enjoy the world around you every now and then! :) Privacy is a gift.

5. Building an awesome online presence only takes you so far

The amount of friends you can muster up, and the number of likes and comments you can rake in DON'T help you....out there in the magical land of reality. Don't waste too much time building a rad social media you, and neglect the real you. Facebook doesn't matter in the scheme of life and purpose, friends. It's a wonderful tool and definitely can be used for great things......but the physical world is where your mind and efforts need to be anchored in. Nurture real friendships, talk using your vocal chords, make time to experience the presence of those you love. That's what matters, after all. <3